Up and down times.

Hey journal,

Ok so the past few weeks of this new year have been busy. I am finally back on the roads in my little Kia picanto and I love the freedom of being able to drive and get back into a regular routine. I am seeing friends who I know are my true friends, spending quality time with my boyfriend and family.

However, last night mine and my ex’s song came on in my car and I sang it without feeling too sad and bitter. But on the other hand I see how happy he is with his new relationship and in some ways it still hurts, I know I shouldn’t fall into the facebook or blog stalking trap but sometimes I do and I know that it’s bad for me.

In terms of my mental health, well I am a lot better then what I used to be, I still have depression and anxiety obviously. Some days are better then others, and sometimes I just want to stay in bed and well tell the world to fuck off. I’m lucky the mental health here in Guernsey has improved drastically from what it used to be like, I still have to see my doctor on a regular basis, as in every two weeks or so. They are still monitoring me to make sure I don’t have another hypomanic episode, it’s definitely a mood disorder and I may have to have medication further down the line, but until they can pinpoint it exactly, they don’t want to put me on anything just yet. I just get tired and down sometimes and it is hard for me to talk about it.

But as in for the positive side of things:

  1. I have Tom. He is my love and my rock and well despite a few heated discussions since I’ve been home we are in a better place then what we were and I am excited that we are having a date day on Saturday, which means lunch out and a movie. It’s not much, but it makes me happy knowing I have that to look forward to.
  2. My family, I know its been hard for me and for them but my mum has been amazing and isn’t as over bearing as she used to be. I feel more secure at home then I used to feel and that’s a great feeling.
  3. I HAVE A JOB! Ha I start on the first of march working in a nursery again. I can’t wait to get back into working and having a daily routine looking after children.
  4. My friends. Times like these really have revealed to me who my true friends are and I have made some more since I was in hospital. They keep me sane on a daily basis!
  5. Girl’s Brigade. It doesn’t sound like much, but I still love being a youth leader and going to girls brigade two evenings a week. It’s my way of giving something back to young people and I’m happy to be doing it again after 3 months of not going.
  6. Art. I am still drawing and painting. I am getting better at it and it makes me happy when I’ve had a bad day.
  7. Books/films/TV yea ok I know this seems obvious but reading or writing or watching a film or TV show keeps me entertained, especially as I need to be at home a bit more now before I start work again in a month.

So that’s all for now journal. 🙂


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